I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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