Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are all done wearing pants today
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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