My liver just broke up with me...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
