How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
