I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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