I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
how drunk are you?
Several
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
