I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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