My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
