looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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