I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
