im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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