so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
