im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
