all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
