smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
