Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You can't motorboat a personality
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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