That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
