i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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