So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
