You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just pynch a tree in the face
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
