I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
