my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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