if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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