that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
