My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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