so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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