Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
