I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
