I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
