R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
