I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
