no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Someone shattered a urinal.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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