I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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