I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Too much gin, very little bucket
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
