well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
