the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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