i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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