I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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