1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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