So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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