M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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