When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
