Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
thus making me awesome and them whores
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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