$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
