Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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