i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
