He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
