You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
everyone is single if you try hard enough
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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