I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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