11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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