people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
