My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
