He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
