you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
