I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
