why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize