Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
