I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
