you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
