Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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