we're chasing vodka with high fives
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
