whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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