I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
