You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
