he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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