3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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